2010 did a number on me.
Fell in love.
Found out I was more of a booty call then a boyfriend.
Started dating another girl who was better in almost every way.
Tried to to learn to be in love with her.
Got a life-threatening disease as a reaction to a vaccine.
Spent a week in the hospital.
Received irresponsible care.
Received poor follow-up care.
Went to Peru while still recovering.
Spent a few more months recovering.
Went back to work because I was bored.
Was still in pain nearly constantly.
The first girl passed away, no detectable cause.
Received more treatments, still in constant pain
Sung at Carnegie Hall with John Rutter.
Realized that I had come to love the second girl.
Realized that I still wasn't in love with her.
Despaired at my inability to learn to be in love.
Broke up.
Received more treatments.
Pain seems to be less, but still constant.
Spent Christmas at home with my family.
Friday, January 13, 2012
Thursday, January 12, 2012
Where have all the good men gone?
This question comes up a lot around single women who are having trouble finding a guy to date. The appropriate responses to this question are vague statements and assurances that they are out there and that they will eventually find you and see your internal worth. In person I will probably give this response because in the moment the girls asking do not want an actual answer.
From the sterility of a blog I want to give an actual answer. It took me a while to figure out what was going on, and the research was very painful, but I want to share it with the hope that it will catch some people early enough to make a difference.
The simple answer is: because you ignored them when they were interested in you.
Let me explain with an oversimplified model.
Start with a good boy and a good girl. Both are innocent, kind, and want to find happiness and companionship. The good boy wants the good girl and pursues her with respect for her space and her body. The innocent good girl either does not realize that the good boy is interested, or is distracted by the fun guy who has no respect for her space or body. The innocent good girl then becomes the not-so-innocent good girl. The not-so-innocent good girl finally realizes that she wants the good guy, but the good guy is still looking for an innocent good girl. By now the innocent good guy subconsciously realizes that he can remain the good boy and his sacrifice to remain innocent becomes a joke because the girls that are interested in him can no longer really understand or appreciate it, or he can become the fun guy without respect for boundaries and get the innocent good girl.
There are thousands of variations on this model, but this is where the good men have gone.
From the sterility of a blog I want to give an actual answer. It took me a while to figure out what was going on, and the research was very painful, but I want to share it with the hope that it will catch some people early enough to make a difference.
The simple answer is: because you ignored them when they were interested in you.
Let me explain with an oversimplified model.
Start with a good boy and a good girl. Both are innocent, kind, and want to find happiness and companionship. The good boy wants the good girl and pursues her with respect for her space and her body. The innocent good girl either does not realize that the good boy is interested, or is distracted by the fun guy who has no respect for her space or body. The innocent good girl then becomes the not-so-innocent good girl. The not-so-innocent good girl finally realizes that she wants the good guy, but the good guy is still looking for an innocent good girl. By now the innocent good guy subconsciously realizes that he can remain the good boy and his sacrifice to remain innocent becomes a joke because the girls that are interested in him can no longer really understand or appreciate it, or he can become the fun guy without respect for boundaries and get the innocent good girl.
There are thousands of variations on this model, but this is where the good men have gone.
Tuesday, January 10, 2012
The Power of the Entertainer
Who has more power than the President of the United States? What other person holds the keys to utterly demolish the world? And yet, with a personal plea from that seat of power will your kids eat their peas?
Maybe I'm wrong, but as I was surfing youtube looking for some good music I had the disturbing realization that entertainers have held more sway across the ages than the rulers, heroes, and thinkers. Even better, the rulers, heroes, and thinkers of the past that have been the most influential have been the most entertaining. I use "entertaining" a bit loosely here, because our nature does not limit entertainment value to that which is positive or humorous. We love a tragedy at least as much as a comedy, and the abuse of power is more riveting than the just wielding of influence. Why else would war, reality shows, and horror movies attract so much of our attention?
The reason for this thought was the finding of a classically trained violinist who grew up and decided to use her talents to be entertaining instead of trying to become the worlds "best" violinist. Instead of quiet concert halls where she could perform to the elitists while wearing formal gowns she chose rock concerts where she could perform to rioting crowds while wearing outfits that make mothers with young daughters cringe. She made sexy music videos with techno beats and amazing rifts on her electronic violin. Now, she is one of the wealthiest young celebrities in the UK and has done for the violin what J. K. Rowlings did for fantasy. She has taken something magical and given it to the masses.
Since the "best" is a bit of an arbitrary title when it comes to the unmeasurable I'd say that in all likelihood Vanessa Maes has become the world's best violinist. She may not be able to draw a tear out of the statue of a Russian Tsar with her rendition of The Russian People's Prayer, but she has managed to have a hand in millions of people's lives. People who have solicited her hand in their lives, and even been willing to pay for the privilege.
To me, that is power. Force may keep people from ignoring you. Threats may make them listen. But if you can make people want to move for you, then it is a small thing to keep them moving and direct them as you wish. No industry is more powerful, has more money, or is more easily corrupted (although that is a topic for later) than entertainment. From sports, to music, to alcohol, to media, to politics, to a corporate office, the power of entertainment far outstrips all but the very basic of needs and sometimes can even give those a run for their money.
Maybe I'm wrong, but as I was surfing youtube looking for some good music I had the disturbing realization that entertainers have held more sway across the ages than the rulers, heroes, and thinkers. Even better, the rulers, heroes, and thinkers of the past that have been the most influential have been the most entertaining. I use "entertaining" a bit loosely here, because our nature does not limit entertainment value to that which is positive or humorous. We love a tragedy at least as much as a comedy, and the abuse of power is more riveting than the just wielding of influence. Why else would war, reality shows, and horror movies attract so much of our attention?
The reason for this thought was the finding of a classically trained violinist who grew up and decided to use her talents to be entertaining instead of trying to become the worlds "best" violinist. Instead of quiet concert halls where she could perform to the elitists while wearing formal gowns she chose rock concerts where she could perform to rioting crowds while wearing outfits that make mothers with young daughters cringe. She made sexy music videos with techno beats and amazing rifts on her electronic violin. Now, she is one of the wealthiest young celebrities in the UK and has done for the violin what J. K. Rowlings did for fantasy. She has taken something magical and given it to the masses.
Since the "best" is a bit of an arbitrary title when it comes to the unmeasurable I'd say that in all likelihood Vanessa Maes has become the world's best violinist. She may not be able to draw a tear out of the statue of a Russian Tsar with her rendition of The Russian People's Prayer, but she has managed to have a hand in millions of people's lives. People who have solicited her hand in their lives, and even been willing to pay for the privilege.
To me, that is power. Force may keep people from ignoring you. Threats may make them listen. But if you can make people want to move for you, then it is a small thing to keep them moving and direct them as you wish. No industry is more powerful, has more money, or is more easily corrupted (although that is a topic for later) than entertainment. From sports, to music, to alcohol, to media, to politics, to a corporate office, the power of entertainment far outstrips all but the very basic of needs and sometimes can even give those a run for their money.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)